Today was a good day until it was a bad day.
It really wasn’t all that good of a day to start with. It had been teetering on the edge the last few days. I guess today something just pushed me over.
I’ve been working on drawing. I have a tumblr blog that I post my work. Not a lot of people look at what I do (I think, there are no statistics for views) but I usually get a few likes, sometimes a reblog or two, especially if it’s some sort of fan art.
Yesterday, I spent close to four hours working on a Doctor Who drawing, and then I posted it…and nothing. No likes. No reblogs. Nothing. I reblogged it myself. So far it’s just been my wife that’s liked it. And she only did it after I reblogged it.
I tried drawing something today, but the couple of tries I made, it just wasn’t turning out right, so I just scribbled all over it and posted it with the caption “it’s all shitty”.
I try hard to not let my mental health issues leak over into that area, but I just couldn’t help myself. I know I’m not good at drawing. I look at what other people do and my stuff is…ok, I guess. But I’m ok with it as I’m working on getting better. But sometimes, I can’t help it. There’s been nothing with my picture today, not even from my wife. She said earlier I looked sad, but that was it.
The internet is both a kind and a cruel place. There are those people out there that are encouraging, and I try to do that with other artists, even ones that I can tell are better than me. But it’s cruel because I look at what other people do, and what I do, and I wonder why anybody would like what I do and I should probably just stop trying. And I probably really should. Just stop. Stop trying to be good at something and just accept my limitations. Don’t even think about being good at something, because I’ll never be good at anything. It’s just hard to stay positive some times.