Today is a bad day.
I need to be more selfish. This is something that isn’t something people normally say. Most people want to be more unselfish, if they are being honest, or even realize it, simply because it’s good to be able to give of yourself to help others.
The problem lies with me in that I don’t think anything I want is more important than what others are doing or wanting. When I do things for me, it tends to be solitary things, where I can find a few minutes and not interrupt what others are doing. And if I somehow interrupt somebody else, I feel really guilty about it.
I never put myself first. I never even suggest doing things because I don’t think people are interested in the things I want. So I just go along with what other people want to do. I do things that are suggested to me. That’s because I have on concept what I want. I’ll do things for a little while because they sound interesting, but then I lose interest. There’s nothing that I have buring desire to do, so there’s no sense in me interrupting others.
It’s esepcially bad with my wife. I will never, ever interrupt my wife no matter what she’s doing, even if it’s something frivolous. And, if she asks me for something, I’ll stop what I’m doing and do what she asks, even if I’m in the middle of my work.
I need to be more confident in myself, and have better self-esteem, but at this stage of my life, I’m sure it will never happen.