Today is a bad day.

Expectations suck.  I hate the people that say, “It’s not the destination, but the journey.” Well, no it isn’t.  We want to know where we are going.  We want to plan out what’s coming up.  We do not live by subsistence.  We plan.

It becomes a shock when you wake up one day and realize that what you wanted, where you thought you would be, isn’t it at all.  It’s very different, and not for the better.  All the work, all the planning, is for nothing.  And what you did try to work for is all gone, because what you wanted, is now an impossibility.

So, you try a recalibration.  Can you get some place you can accept being, not where you wanted, but something that’s tolerable?  The problem there is that you know you’ve compromised, sometimes to a very great degree and so you know that it’s not something you really wanted in the first place.

Because ultimately, you have no control.  Even with the little things, it’s just everybody else and what they want.  I have a hard time prioritizing me, because I’ve been accepting for so long what other people want and have totally destroyed my sense of self and self ambition.


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