Fitting in

I’m hanging in there.  It’s been rough, but it’s been worse.

It’s important to act as though there aren’t any problems.  It needs to be a facade, but a realistic one.  Acting happy-go-lucky doesn’t, too over the top, isn’t a realistic mask.  It’s a red flag that something isn’t quite right.  So, it needs to be that everything is fine and there are little ups and downs.  That’s the way to do it.

There’s another benefit to a facade, and it’s because I have cultivated an image of being a bit of an eccentric, a contrarian.  I say outrageous things.  And people think I’m kidding, or just being weird.  Weird is OK, surprisingly.  But it allows me to hide my real thoughts and feelings.  But they just laugh and just chalk it up to me being weird.

I was recently having a conversation with a coworker and I said that we’re already dead.  (It’s true.  Briefly, time is a construct because everything really happens simultaneously and our brains have to handle things in a linear fashion.)  And they just thought I was weird.  Because I say outrageous things.  Not that I truly feel dead and my life is simply going through motions of life.  If someone else had said it, then somebody would be concerned about that person.  But because it’s me, who says wacky things, well, it’s just me being me.

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