Today was an OK day.
I am, in all likelihood, an alcoholic. Maybe not in the day in, day out, drinking my ass off, wino sort. It’s more so because I’m too cheap. Beer’s expensive, even cheap beer. You drink 4 or 5 beers, that’s still a lot of money you’re shelling out. I don’t drink every night, but when I do, it’s a minimum of 4. It dulls the pain. I keep drinking not because I want to feel numb, but to keep the pain away. I don’t drink to get wasted, I drink just so it won’t hurt as much.
I show some of the classic symptoms of an alcoholic. When I drink, I drink a lot. I lie about how much I’ve drunk and hide the bottles so people can’t tell. If asked, I deny that I have a problem and I tell myself that if I had to, I wouldn’t drink another drop of alcohol. That last one is utter bullshit.
But I don’t do it every night, I don’t even do it that often. So I suppose I’m not truly an alcoholic. I know alcoholics, it’s not uncommon in my profession, and I tell myself I’m not like them, and in all reality, I’m not. There are some major differences as to why they’re an alcoholic and I’m not. But if I could, I probably would.